Julie Will Kill Me When She Reads this Blog Entry

. . . but I don't care. After all, we're separated by 7 1/2 hours of travel time. If, by chance, she comes to Fort McMurray to exact her revenge, I will be delighted to see her. I might even cook for her and provide clean linen (unsoiled by animal fur).

Julie is innovative, artistic, and unusually creative. What I admire most is her bold approach to life--her desire to try new and novel things and her remarkable ability to succeed at anything she attempts.

Now that I've said some nice things to appease her, I can share some stories to the amusement and betterment of my audience. Keep in mind that I share them only because of my own propensity to find myself in absurd situations and to be utterly oblivious at times. I like to think that my own foolishness--and Julie's--is actually rooted in genius.

Story 1: It never occurred to Julie, in her university days, what "checking the oil" really meant. She checked it again and again, certainly, but never progressed to the next stage--that is, adding oil or even changing the oil. Not surprisingly, she found herself stranded in a seedy Californian neighborhood and even then, she protested (on the phone with her parents) that she had checked the oil. Granted, I'm no better in that regard. The first time my dad sent me to the gas station to "fill up" the tires of the Delta '88, I did just that--fill them until they were nice and round and the car had risen an entire foot.

Story 2: One evening, Julie asked me what kind of car I drove. "A Mercedes Benz," I responded. "I know that," she said. "What I mean is, what company manufactured it?" "Uh, Mercedes Benz," I once again replied. "No!" she said, growing exasperated. "I mean, is it a Ford or a Toyota or what?"

Story 3: I appreciate a good prank. Sometimes they don't turn out as planned (i.e. when a friend's cousin is taking a nap due to PMS, and you don't even know this person, it's probably not a good idea to give her the 'measles' with a stick of bright red lipstick, especially on Christmas day). Julie is a gifted prankster, but she, too, has been known to go a little too far. For example, she once took the "tack-on-chair" prank one step further, this time using an exacto blade. Her victim not only sliced open his testicles but was profoundly humiliated.

Although hundreds (if not thousands) of stories remain to be told, I will have to pick on someone else to be fair to each of my friends. [Beware, dear Desire and Kathryn Andrea.]