Visiting Uncle Machu

At the moment, I am sitting in a hotel in Cusco, Peru, with a line of people who might (or might not) be waiting to use this computer. Who knows? My Spanish is appalling! I haven´t a clue what´s going on half of the time.

For those who find themselves in a similar predicament, I would recommend the Lonely Planet guide to speaking Spanish: it provides phrases applicable to every conceivable situation. For example, terms are provided to use should you choose to engage a member of the local population in carnal relations (e.g. getting to really "know" another culture, in the biblical sense). You can even coach your Peruvian lover and evaluate his/her performance.

Of course, that page of the guide did not pertain to me. More applicable was the page on getting rid of Peruvians who wish to engage foreigners in carnal relations. I was at a restaurant with my husband and a Russian girl when a repugnant young man made eyes at me--incessantly. Rod´s back was to him, and I was forced to stare at the table. Every time I forgot, we made eye contact, and his eyes were passionate, sensual--full of longing and male bravado. Sigh.

Another highlight of the trip thus far was eating a Guinea Pig! The waiter serves the entire pig to prove that it´s not a cat; thus, the animal comes almost intact--eyes, gaping mouth, upper and lower teeth, tongue, feet replete with tiny claws, and a tough outer skin covered in a few remnants of hair. Delicious! It tastes like salty chicken.

Well, I must be off . . . to give my stomach ample time to digest the chunks of rodent weighing it down.