Lisa Needs a Man (or, a Belated Birthday Wish)

This, my friends, is Lisa--Lisa Wind.* Lisa's birthday was on Saturday, and like a dutiful friend, I completely forgot. Perhaps a public apology will repair the damage done.

Just to be sure, though, I would like to find Lisa a very special birthday gift: a man. As unbelievable as it might sound, Lisa is currently single.

I know of at least one man who would find the news staggering (readers: this is your cue to gather around, as I am about to tell a story).

Once upon a time, when we were in Romania working in an orphanage, Lisa was the cat's meow amongst the humanoid population. While I was attracting little stray kittens (which should technically make me the cat's meow), Lisa was attracting psychotic stray men.

"Ion" (a.k.a. "cool cat") made his moves in an Internet cafe. He liked Lisa's hair, and he would not take "no" for an answer. In fact, after being shot down (in Lisa's kindly way), he ended up peering over her shoulder to get a glimpse of her email address (and other potential delights).

Imagine Lisa's pleasure when Ion began emailing her! As luck would have it, I have a copy of the email on hand:

"please," he writes, "if i make you mad with my e-mails write me back and i will stop . . . i'm boring right now so i was thinking to write you an e-mail with my description and some pics to make you know me better and let you evaluate if it's worthed to lose time with me."

Ion's unintentionally self-deprecating approach did not win Lisa's heart, I'm sorry to say (from a purely selfish perspective, it would have been fascinating to watch such an unlikely couple in action). In fact, upon her return to the Internet cafe where Ion lurked, Lisa was forced to pretend that she was dating my brother. (What lengths a person will go to to avoid a stalker!)

Ion did not follow Lisa back to Canada. So here she is, stalkerless and single.** Can you help?

Your birthday gift will soon be on its way, Lisa!


*Please note: I once had a friend named Lisa Weathers, a most peculiar coincidence.
**Candidates must pass the Wittmeier screening (i.e. an afternoon with me and my brothers). Potential dates must be single, Christian, athletic, and eager to help produce multiple children once the ring is upon the finger. Blonde, tall, stocky (not stalky) candidates will receive special consideration.